GREAT & SECRET SHOW by Jeff Callaway (Texas Outlaw Poet)

I am not here
in this room
in this world
in this skin
I am not in…
within sin
I am not lips
I am not the one
whose word is this
not intimate nor friend
nor wolves of flesh
wove we bound in
nor wombs to live
in one mouth of spirit
with no limits
no bounds
no names
no lanes
no rules to follow
no authority to swallow…
my love nailed cross, sweet father
bleed deep through the needle
without fuel to feed
my gluttonous need for consumption
consumerism, mail fraud
in the mail room
behind the stacks of mail
all of these endless tales
up spun and spun up
through these starving veins of mine
hungry for the fix
and the prick of a needle…
B.P.’s old man lives in San Fran…
atomic brainstorms, an anatomic demoralization
an end to fit a means to an end
woe but the hand of a friend…
the heavenly presence of hope
bound in lies, surrounded in eyes
blind wide wise men who bring

frankincense and myrrh
balanced on the wings of a word
by a dove, the fly of my endless woe
these oats I have sewn
my Adamic flesh, etched in stone
beat against the bone
only to be left alone…
in this room
with these lonely, blank pages
singing, drinking with sage wages
onto these pages, I’m mean…
I’m unrepentant
I’m unclean
I’m obscene
I’m a fiend
I’m between
bewitched and behind
and be free…
I’m not free
I wont be
I wont breathe
I un-belong
in unbelief
unrest, un-relief
un-everything, un-me…
nor no me
no more me
no alimony
oh poor Joe Maloney
been talking too much on the phony
the only, lonely
one who bone me
befriend me
behind me
no more me…

we come for you
all of us to you
all wrapped up in you
I will not bleed me through you
i’m through, all through
wont be impure
nor untrue
nor you.

(1997)

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