Texas Outlaw Press presents a poem film by Texas Outlaw Poet Jeff Callaway called “LONELY GIRL” based on his poem of the same name from his poetry collection, A Peck Of Pickled Poems, available on Amazon!

LONELY GIRL by Jeff Callaway

lonely girl

with beautiful lips

her sleepy eyes, dreamy

these incandescent incantations

limiting my ability

to see things clearly

beyond her years

sweeter words

that only her lips have heard

sincere moments of her breathing

sleeping hands

restless at her feet

with angel’s wings

and words that burn

the fore thought of forgotten emotions

falling unheard

and so without asking her

if I could kiss her

she said yes

and she showed to me

what heaven really could be

or that it did

really exist

once my lips touched hers

pillow skin lips

that touched me with sugary heaven

and spoke of words

words with language that danced

like a dancer

cotton eyed joe my soul

she spoke to me

in whispers

tiny kisses

my hands on her thigh

as she awoke

still

bathed in beauty

her lips

still

shimmering

dancing

CLICK HERE TO BUY A PECK OF PICKLED POEMS!

it could be so perfect but none of us know
the person we are or the way we should go
looking for love in an empty glance
holding onto memories that never had a chance
clinging for warmth and hoping for love
shouting out curses to something above
while crying inside and dying out loud
heart eaten away and turned inside out
so just one more kiss before you leave me tonight
and please just forget me when your with him
tomorrow night…
it’s all in your hands, this all in my heart
these tears in my eyes are dripping apart
into helpless hands that are holding my throat
and choking off memories before they found hope
to die without a chance and to only be dead
this life with no meaning means nothing in my head
when everything is wrong and you want someone
who is not there you begin to speak to strangers
who just don’t care so dream of all i’ve done
and all i could do and please just forget
that i wanted to be with you…
how pretty it is to watch my feeling die
and suffocate in the bottom of a hole and never sleep and never dream
and always think about what it all means
and i’m so pleased that you could throw me
into this place that i can’t even imagine
how you would taste and drip off my tongue
and soothe my throat, choking my feelings
and strangling my hopes…
how pretty you are to shatter the glass
of our perfect past and sleep on the slivers
you once called home and to be in your thoughts
and to receive your kiss and to flinch and to shake
at the touch of your lips and to be torn inside
and to be thrown away and you won’t even speak to me
everyday, so what was meant to be is not
and the man i thought was me has gone
and i can hold him inside of my hollow heart
to tear him to shreds like you tore us apart
so sing your song full of hateful words
and bury my heart six feet beneath earth…
i won’t feel unless you want me to…
i won’t touch unless you want me to…
and i won’t love unless you’d love me to…
so just throw me away…

CLICK HERE TO BUY A PECK OF PICKLED POEMS!

ALONE by Jeff Callaway

we’re all alone
i know we’re all alone
we all dream of the arms
we were once embraced in
but still we’re so alone
only having these four walls
to trap us with nothing at all
on the edge of an emotional cliff
waiting to fall, holding onto nothing at all
but we can see the eyes that shine
so beautiful and magnificent
but they’re not real for us
they just don’t feel for us
so alone, trapped in our four walls
we pretend that they love us
alone, waiting for something
even if something
is nothing at all

CLICK HERE TO BUY A PECK OF PICKLED POEMS!

HELEN by Jeff Callaway 

Helen
was the most beautiful woman
on Cedar Creak Lake
and she made my heartache
when i thought of all the slow and tender love
that her and i could make
and the lifetimes i would like to take
to make it in
my Helen who was heaven-sent
an angel who fell to the earth
(and took up residence)
to show to me what true love meant
and with a little persistence
i had her convinced
to go out with me on our first date
and it was then when we found
this true love was our fate
and that as lovers
we were both first rate
and that we shared that sacred bond
my Helen was a good good blonde
Goddess on the pedestal i put her upon
juicy and delicious
Aphrodite was an apple
with no clothes on
my guilty pleasure just to look upon
her long long legs that
(for days) just went on and on
and on with satin skin of bronze
or in her Janis Joplin tee
with the knees of her jeans gone
my Helen made me feel like a rock-n-roll song
and made a bonfire in her bed
to burn all night long
(for me) and from that moment on
it was on…

but then soon
i would be
too far gone
back then
back in the days
i was doing myself wrong
i bang my gong
an anonymous automaton
with syringes for arms
almost too weak to go on upon
my crucifix needle so forlorn
track marks to adorn
a soul now born to scorn
BUT SHE LOVED ME ANYWAY
her love was UNCONDITIONAL
she loved me in her very own special way
and so one day (she looked up to me) and so
she looked right at me just to say
that she would like to try it too
and that she would pay
and from my dead broke tragic abyss
(i said okay) and with just one kiss
sealed our fate
and that was the very day
that she became my dark lady…

and she was my shady lady
and when i look back now
my regret is raging and it plagues me
and there is nothing i can say
i can only blame me
nothing can save me
i can only hate me
for all of the bitter memories
for all of her lost dreams to dependency
a license to ill to infinity
for those five doomed years of crazy
that she stayed with me
fighting to breathe in our habitual Hades
shooting COCAINE and HEROIN
and METHAMPHETAMINES
as i watched my life
and my love
go down in flames with me
drowning in a chemical sea
where the devil’s tongue is waves of sex and drugs
and death and love is licking me
this junky’s life isn’t easy
believe me
you reap when you plant the seed
but in Helen i harvested
a hellishly haunted dream
one blackened bad bad memory
of that macabre night that i will always remember
of that cold gray gothic night in early December
the needle still hung in her arm that had once held me close
i found her lying there dead in our bed
blue with an overdose.

© Jeff Callaway

CLICK HERE TO BUY PARTY FOULS & OTHER ATROCITIES ON AMAZON!

Hey y’all, I am searching for the perfect DJ/Beatmaker to join my new performing/recording group. I will be doing spoken word/raps to ambient and techno beats. The band will consist of myself and the DJ. Performances will be mainly in Texas and we will be making albums as well. If you are interested in joining me please send word to jeffcallaway@texasoutlawpoet.com

HENDERSON COUNTY GIRL

by Jeff Callaway

these eyes

they had never seen

someone so special

so smoking-  hot

as she

was heaven made…

 

she came  out of the sky
one spectacular day

in a splendid array

like her mint

chocolate eyes

did breathe

in immensities

her eternal beauty

with intensity

upon every scene

she’d ever seen…

 

I mean only

God could create

such a masterpiece…
she was just like a dream

slick and cinnamon and sweet

with soft pink lips

I thought I’d only ever

kiss in my dreams…

 

but I did in reality…
red hot

she’s got

silken sheets of skin

where I wish

my hands had been

wandering free

all along…

 

all over her body

long and lean

put up on a pedestal
so pristine

she was like a virgin

she was an angel

with a halo  and wings

when I was just fifteen

and she was fourteen…

 

just two cool kids

from Henderson County

Malakoff, Texas USA…

and we made sweet love

for the very first time

on that white hot August day

back in 1991…

 

we lost our virginity

as life’s rich pageant

played on her cd player  in the sun…

 

laying in leaves of grass

sprawled in sheets

was so much more

memorable  and fun…

 

of course as is

want to happen

I awoke one day

and she was gone…

 

but in that one moment

in time
she was mine

and I was hers…

 

and we were one…

 

and she was…

 

my  Henderson County Girl.

 

CLICK HERE TO BUY HENDERSON COUNTY BLUES ON AMAZON!

HENDERSON COUNTY BLUES

by Jeff Callaway

I spent

My whole life

Rocking and rolling

Cocked and loaded like

Nothing ever lasts

And I grew up way too fast

But I’ve had a few laughs At last

I’ve stayed away from my past

I’ve strayed away from my roots

And I’ve played the outlaw

A time or two you know

Trouble for me was

Nothing new

Just something to do

And it’s no excuse

I guess I never knew

All I had to lose I guess

I was born with them

Henderson County Blues…
I was born

With my neck in a noose

Baptized myself in this

Bottles of booze

With blues

But Mama didn’t raise no brute

I guess you could say

I never gave no hoot

And by the time I was nine

I’d learned to shoot

My Daddy bought me my .22

And by 22
I’d run off with the loot

Traded my rattlesnake skins in

For combat boots

A ten-gallon hat in

For bleaching my roots

I filled the tank up

I let the clutch out

Like I was death proof

Through Cedar Creek Lake

I have boomed

And I’ve zoomed

And I always knew that I was doomed

Ever since the warrant

Was issued

And my reputation grew

I’ve had a bad case of them

Henderson County Blues…

By high noon

I’ve dug the underground

I’ve paid my dues

I left the cops with

Hardly any clues

Their pursuit of me

I would elude while

Their hatreds for me

Grew and grew

From the first day

I made the front page of

The Athens Daily Review

I knew that Huntsville had

Some time for me to do

I got to pay the price for these

Henderson County Blues…
Which includes
Some methamphetamine

And a trash bag of shrooms

A decade of heroin abuse

Mixed with a shot of cocaine

With some shades of grey and some may say

I’ve gone a bit insane

In my membrane

I’m an old drinker and tweaker

Of speeder freak lake fame

The Texas Outlaw Poet

Is my name

And I’m here

Just to tell you the truth

Just to share the news

I know I’m going to die

Tonight with my

Henderson County Blues…

Henderson County Blues

Hurts like hell

Henderson county Blues

My hopeless tale…

 

CLICK HERE TO BUY COMPLETE HENDERSON COUNTY BLUES ON AMAZON!

 

Prologue: On a summer’s day if you head east from Waco on Highway 31 you’ll notice a change when you get near the Trinity River. The open skied landscape of blackland cotton fields and mesquite trees turns into a land of proud tall oaks that hem the horizon. By the time you reach Malakoff, a grander cathedral of life surrounds and its lush abundance offers the promise of Eden’s embrace. But when the sun sets, the summer heat swells from the ground and closes your attention from Eden’s promise to just the beads of sweat rolling down your skin. The hopeful proud branches to the sun bleed into a black silhouette cage against the dying light.  Confidence withers and the light dies. Its replaced with a particular fear and loneliness that to this day I can only attribute to this area, but perhaps is common to all hot wooded horizonless places, a desperate feeling only partially washed away by music, inebriation & passion. You’ve entered an East Texas night. When the civilized white columns of the Baptist church and Courthouse shine less bright, other forces creep up from the rolling muddy waters of the Trinity and in from the whispering stoic pines around the Neches.  It’s the gentle hum of registers in Caney City when Henderson County is buying their beer and liquor. It’s the boisterous and seditious rancor of a bar-b-que joint in Moore’s Station or a lakeside bar in Gun Barrel City. It’s the defiant and reckless whiskey fueled Saturday night at Coal Miners, the debauched drug fueled dalliances at Tyler’s Time Out Club or the drunken fistfights in dark fields around bonfires. It’s the quite wind and starry night along a forgotten backroad. And then the sun rises. From this clamor betwixt light and dark the blood and sinew of Jeff Callaway and his poets soul was born.

ORIGINS OF PARTY FOULS: Jeff’s spirit encapsulates both the hope and the doubt of this place in East Texas. Jeff’s mother was a schoolteacher and in high school he both played football and was the senior class vice president. But while he thrived in the above ground world of social clubs and strode in the life of an all-American, the pull of the dark wilds captivated his poet’s heart like a siren song. The mystery of the dark and nostalgic loneliness underneath the surface of the everyday was too enticing not to dive into. Around him he found the writings of Ginsberg’s Howl swirling not off the streets of New York in 1955 but off the blacktop backroads of East Texas in 1995. The drink, the drugs, and wild spirited friends were all willing participants to his existential explorations into the infinities of raindrops and hot embraces.  In bars and forgotten corners too many heroes and madmen lived amongst one another with stories untold. Tearing though Beat writings and by connection Rimbaud 19th century poetry and letters, he took these words to heart: I say it is necessary to be a voyant, make oneself a voyant. The Poet makes himself a voyant by a long, immense and rational derangement of all the senses. All the forms of love, suffering, and madness. He searches himself. He exhausts all poisons in himself and keeps only their quintessences. He is responsible for humanity, for animals even. He will have to make his inventions smelt, touched, and heard. A language must be found. – Rimbaud 1871 Jeff dove deeply into Rimbaud’s voyant and the road to Party Fouls and Other Atrocities was begun. On a warm spring night in 2000 Jeff Callaway was arrested for contraband on a lonely & lush stretch of Hwy 175 outside of Athens, Texas. His feet still wet with dew. He was 23. The prohibited possessions he carried are common in the fertile fields of East Texas, spread like manna amongst lightly forested cow pastures, Psilocybin mushrooms. The simplicity of this fungi belie their potential to delight, to dazzle and to madden. They can both broaden and bewitch the mind but one cannot ignore the profundity and peace they can awaken in a searching soul. For this fungus transgression Jeff was immediately wedded by jail and probation to the hard times of Cedar Creek Lake’s backwaters for the remainder of his youth and eventually hard time in the Texas penitentiary system. Before his last and longest time in prison came due, Jeff skipped out on his court date and escaped to Austin, Texas’s cosmopolitan oasis, to ply the ears of the receptive with his hard wrought words. He found mentorship with fellow poets, came to parting terms with his addictions and found listeners amongst the city’s eclectic rabble. He also found his voice and his language. In 2005 on route to a reading amongst fellow Texas Poets at Forest Fest in La Mesa the law caught up to him outside of San Angelo. Jeff was now a redeemed man drug back into his past for his crimes of possession. But this time Jeff’s feet were dry and he went back in with his eyes wide open. In prison he honed and rewrote his poems, many from memory and perfected his delivery to his fellow inmates. He wrote new poems of East Texas and new poems of Austin. To his cellmate he became “The Poet”. Those that listened were stunned that something as antique as poetry could give voice to the celebrations and tragedies from their anonymous paths. His dark and light poems gave unspoken and unsanctified experiences a value in a land where the sufferance of silence rages king. Texas Outlaw Press was started by Jeff and myself during his first time in the TDCJ system and went into full gear during his last and longest stint in prison, the summer of 2005. We published 5 chapbooks and one compilation, Hotter than a Four Balled Tomcat, Rode Hard and Put up Wet, Satori in Paris Texas, On the Outskirts of Madness and Behind the Eight-ball. Party Fouls and Other Atrocities is the first compilation and contains Jeff’s voyant poems that peer, frolic and weep into the darker side of life in Henderson County. Many revel in the sublime of friendship,  raucous camaraderie and ecstatic love. Scattered in are a couple of ribald and inglorious poems about Austin’s environs. Party Fouls and Other Atrocities is an incarnate collection of bounty & schisms, beauty & horrors, and glory & hypocrisies. So as you embark, get ready to get low, get high and cry out the giant “yawp” into the East Texas night. – John-Paxton Gremillion (Co-Founder)

BUY PARTY FOULS ON AMAZON TODAY!!!